ANA MOSH ANANIYA.
it’s 8:06 in the A.M and shit has already turned out bad..
I’m not sure how much i can take until i fold and just walk away just to save myself from pain and misery. Problem is , misery loves company. i wanna be able to hold my head up and not look foolish & you should do the same.
i think we all had that one person we can’t get enough of but they’re sick & tired of you. i never get tired; i never get enough. I’m done chasing and losing. I have too many problems, i always have, ever since i was younger.
mom sick, jerk off, drugged yet disabled brother , mom’s drunk ass boyfriend & all that follows. my dad, however was always my hero who would save me from my distress and pep talk me , telling me everything will be okay and i swear on everything i love , i always believed it and still do ; just because it came from his mouth .. i believe everything that he tells me.
i’m so tired of sickness and feeling doubt , in my heart.. in my life ; it’s all around me.
i never intended on life to bring me where i am now. i never thought I’d see this person I’ve never knew come out of me.. but shit.., i guess we all change.
every single one of my friends moved on and forgot about me & all our memories .. while i remember them clear as day and think back on them very frequently .. i guess everything really isn’t promised tomorrow .. i swear , i really am trying to enjoy everything while it lasts but my heart and mind are not in sync.. so it’s a little hard for me to make decisions so easily.
what will i do when i have no where to turn … honestly from my heart i think i may just die. i CANNOT live without the most important 2 people i’ve ever met.
my heart is ice cold right now.. and i feel numbness.. no pain .. no smiles.. nothing at all.. min walou.
things are never what they seem to be .. almost like a mirage in the distance. I’m constantly being fooled by people and false hope. I’ve came to the point where i don’t trust anyone.. truth is i never have.
no one is worthy of my trust cause I’ve been done wrong so many times to the point where i am scarred and officially done with lending my heart and other things out just to never see them be returned back to me .. but see .. when i do things for people .. i don’t expect anything back except respect and thankfulness. that’s so unheard of these days to the point that it’s actually quite sad.. really.
I’m tired of second guessing and my heart hurting with dreary & melancholy thoughts roaming in my cerebral emanations.. but i guess everyone makes mistakes .. and i guess it wasn’t a real mistake if you keep repeating it . right ?
you hear but you don’t listen .. you talk but don’t think ..
should i be writing essays instead of writing how i fell ? .. maybe but at the moment i really don’t give a fuck because I AM what matters more to me.
i always put the people i care about before myself.
i always wanted to be the one that another cannot live without.
i have a goal to become so sucessful and take care of my parents.
i swear that’s all i really wanna do. God knows whats in my heart.
in my life i regret alot of things .. like my attitude and sometimes even the thoughts that run through my mind, that i shouldn’t be thinking of but i feel like i need to prepare myself because I’ve been starting to hate surprises .. but Lord knows i mean well.
the only thing i really can do .. is repent and just pray that God makes me stronger than i am now..